i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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