sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
