His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
