awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
