He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
