Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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