3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i think i just lost a toe
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
