I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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