You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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