The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
