My sheets look like a crime scene.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
