So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
