butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
