ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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