I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
