well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
