Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
