Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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