Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
