Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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