I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
