Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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