we're blogging at a bar
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
