He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
