we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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