I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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