would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
