I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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