So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
