She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
