Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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