so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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