Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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