tell your sister to shave her snatch
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
