ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
