OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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