it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
