i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
