Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
