but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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