My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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