im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
he's single and there are thong briefs.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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