their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
