if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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