U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
