A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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