Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
