Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
