bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
NoShamevember. You game?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
my poor anus
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
