I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
