I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
