he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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