please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
