did you get engaged???
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
They have beer where we have blood.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
