I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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