3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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