brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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