I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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